When Joe Cocker spat on me

What I notice so far is that I haven’t talked about the camera that creates my camera-eye, or as it is properly known, POV (Point Of View). (I intend making some technical, practical, philosophical and esoteric observations about that a little later.)

But first… some day-to-day stuff. Starting work at 6am every day, or working 16 hour days is common. (For me it has been).

Glamorous? Can be. Having a quiet cup of tea with Audrey Hepburn counts in that category I believe.

Contradictory? Being 40cm away from a singing Joe Cocker sounds pretty cool, until you realize that you are getting covered in saliva.

Frustrating? Being one missed phone call away from working with Michael Jackson.

Doubly frustrating? Doing work for Ronnie Woods (Rolling Stones) and not getting paid.

Thrilling? Dangling my legs out of a helicopter while filming.

Dangerous? Being literally blown 15 meters (and landing on my arse) after getting too close to the blast of a Top-Fuel Dragster. (Yes I had been warned, but did I listen?)

Interesting? I have also enjoyed chatting/debating/arguing with Malcolm McLaren (re: Sex Pistols fame)

Pushing The Envelope? I worked about 5 years in Research & Development (R&D) of Digital Cinematography BEFORE it became what it is today. We came up with some new techniques, new solutions, and dare I say… inventions.

Well, before all of this begins to sound like a verse from Bruce Springstein’s song “Glory Days”, I should mention the downside of the 24/7 lifestyle I was leading … that my family constantly reminded me of having missed my son’s birthday and having slept through Xmas.

(my next blog I will call How I Slept Through Xmas)

Gillard V Rudd = MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction).

Normally, I avoid political comment, but really, this current week of Australian politics cannot be avoided.

This Gillard V Rudd jostle for leadership appears to me that the Labor Party has their finger on a self-destruct button.

Current political commentary is a flurry of revolving & spiraling synonyms; contest, leadership, presidential, democracy, factions, politics, lunacy, coup de tat, fight, slogans, surreal…

I grew up in a world of MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction). Etched into my memory are the names of Khrushchev, Kennedy, Reagan and Doctor Strangelove.

Thankfully, the outcome of Gillard V Rudd is not the end of the world.

To quote the quotes: “History teaches us that we learn nothing from history” and “History Repeats” …but maybe the appropriate quote goes to an AGE Newspaper  Letter-To-The Editor writer Russell Castley, Creswick who says, “ANYONE but  Abbott.”

Funny things people say to me (Part 1)

Why do you need your glasses? What do you want to see?

BadDesign

As someone that speaks both English and German, shouldn’t I tell them what their company name means in English?

Translation: The Magazine for BAD CULTURE.
BAD|DESIGN
The 100 Best Bad-Designs

Talk Back Radio

I was a little unsure what to write for my next blog post. Having recalled a 1986 nursery rhyme as my first blog, then added a birthday memory and a couple of preamble entries on being a grassroots football cameraman, I realized I wanted to do something contemporary. All this retrospective stuff was locking me into the past.

So yes, I was a little unsure what to write for my next blog post… that is… until I received a JokeMail. It originated from XXXXX and so therefore, I treated it as not-spam. It arrived today, so that filled the credentials of being contemporary. Perfect.

The subject title told me nothing other than, “Ross Greenwood”.

Do I know him? Who is Ross Greenwood? Should I know him?

I opened the email. I read it. Then I scratched my head a couple of times. After a couple of internet searches, I now know that Ross Greenwood is a 2GB TalkBack Presenter. He has a show called Money News.

Now, apart from the obvious connection that 2GB TalkBack is run by that crackpot Alan Jones, I was wondering why(?) I was being sent an email with contents claiming to be current (today being the 19^th of February 2012), when the contents were from June 2009? There it goes again, even my attempt at being up-to-date gets locked into a time-warp and throws me back to 2009!

Well, I guess jokes can be universal and not necessarily time-stamped either, Mark Twain, Groucho Marx and the Abbot & Costello routine “Who’s On First?” are great examples of that. But this JokeMail didn’t make that grade… and if I have ever made an understatement, that was it! To use a Borat style idiom, “This is funny … PAUSE… not!”

No, this was certainly no joke! It was in reality a propaganda chain-email. It was the “if you agree, send it on” type.

It was a TalkBack Radio rant. The gist of it being; Australian Government Debt is a plunging Australians towards financial disaster. The Labor Party (Gillard, Rudd, Swan etc) have no experience running a business (small or large), no years working as a director of a public company, family business… no years of anything except being Trade Union lawyers. One sentence would have said it all… “They are incompetent and have no experience.”

To keep the vitriol folksy, he even says he uses a home-loan calculator! Figures are produced to explain this debt and how it affects the Australian people. $200 billion is $2 hundred thousand million. $733pa for every man, woman & child over 20 years to repay this debt. (2009 figures)

The rant concludes with, “If you have read this you may like to pass it on to your friends to help educate a little as you, them and I, will be repaying the above.”

The tag line is “Confirms my long held belief that we go to the ballot box to vote in people to manage our country that we wouldn’t employ.”

At first I felt like replying to XXXXX, asking him…”Why are you sending me this Ross Greenwood/Alan Jones Quote from 2009?”

BTW: I call it this Ross Greenwood/Alan Jones Quote for the following reason. It is a combination-quote, and by that I mean… it actually combines a direct-quote of this Ross Greenwood – 2GB Money News fellow, with an Alan Jones direct-quote (who is not attributed for his contribution).

Did that make sense? Can I put it this way? The whole direct-quote is attributed to Ross Greenwood, but it isn’t all his. He only said half of it. Well… why quibble with that? … let’s just assume that Ross Greenwood might have said it - if only Alan Jones hadn’t gotten in before him. Alan Jones employs Ross Greenwood at 2GB, so maybe it’s in his best interests not to quibble either?

I have listened to Alan Jones on the radio. (If you don’t know who he is, look him up). He owns the radio station 2GB and expresses views that are…. well…. ummm … let’s put it this way… Alan Jones is very good at isolating a piece of information to suit his political agenda. He extrapolates, expands and distorts that piece of information into opinions of his own… opinions that are very out of context with the original fact. Why should Alan Jones be concerned about that? Extreme views are provocative, and therefore boost his ratings.

Yep, his resulting view/opinion is often quite ridiculous and makes you wonder how he started using that particular fact to get where he ends up? It’s classic train-of-thought stuff, and if he didn’t actually own and run the radio station, it would be easy to dismiss him. But he is a powerful voice. Dismissing him as a crank doesn’t work.

Debt? Good or bad? The people of Greece wouldn’t be ones saying it’s good, nor the people of the USA paying for the trillions they spent in Iraq. But looking at the way the News Corp (Rupert Murdoch) empire was built on debt, there are clearly two sides to any issue, but what do I know? I am no expert.

Gillard, Rudd, Swan & Co? I am certainly no fan.

So? How to turn this piece of propganda back into a JokeMail? Mmmm, let me see? Unlike those jokers from the Labor Party… of the 18 points listed that disqualifies the Gillard/Rudd/Swan crew from being competent managers (or even employable)… How do I rate? ie: I have experience …

spent running their own business ü - spent starting their own business ü -  spent as a director of a family business or company ü - as a director of a public company – in a senior position in a public company ü– in a senior position in a private company ü – working in corporate finance – corporate or business restructuring ü– working in or with a bank ü – experience in the capital markets – in a stock-broking firm – negotiating debt facilities with banks ü – running a small business ü– at the World Bank or IMF or OECD – in Treasury or Finance.

As you can see, I personally have 9 of the 18 positively ticked. Can I add one more they forgot? Multi-Million $ Project Management ü

That means… (according to Alan Jones & Ross Greenwood), I am half way there in qualifying for the job of running this country!

Fair Play

Before I fall into the trap of chronicling all the injustices & negative aspects of the game of football, (as seen by The Camera Eye), I think it’s important to balance all of that, with some of the positives and the rewarding side.

So… let me state categorically…  Not all of the parents are ugly self-centered ego maniacs. In fact, 91% seem to be just Mums & Dads that want their child to do well. My microphone picks up quite a lot of the good-natured chatter, calls of encouragement and applause that originates from their direction. Of course they are partisan, and (at times) blindly one-eyed when calling out “off-side!”, but there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

I’d also like to specially thank the woman that bought me a cappuccino and then simply disappeared again without even waiting for my thanks.  And also the guy that bought me the souvlaki while I was perched up on the narrow scoreboard at the Oakleigh Cannons ground.

Often, the admin & team-managers are Mums and Dads, typically identified by their harassed look. With few exceptions, their good intentions outweigh their occasional hysterical fits when it is discovered their team doesn’t have the correct colored socks! I do not envy them, (particularly when they have travelled from country Victoria and the game is scheduled to start within the next 15 minutes). You could maybe call them ‘The MacGyver’s of Football’.

Fair Play takes various forms. Clearly, spontaneous on-field good-sporting behavior is the one that most readily puts a smile on your face. I have only published a couple of these on youtube, but there were more that I have neglected… Interestingly, George Lambadaridis made his A-League debut for Brisbane Roar only last week, but here is a clip (from 2009) that illustrates fair play.

The Camera Eye sees what it sees through the lens of the camera. The peripheral world beyond it isn’t recorded. Both the shot-gun & omni microphones are professional, so they pick up a lot that isn’t  discernable to the naked ear. I do attempt to warn spectators of that fact.

I am often asked for an instant replay, ie: “Was it handball?” “Off-side?” “Did it cross the goal line?” “Linesman, the throw goes the other way!”… “Show the Ref there are 2 sides playing!” is a common call. Following the game with a camera as I do, I naturally become a spectator to not only the game itself, but to the spectators themselves.

I try to see my position as impartial. I am a mere documenter of the event. When I was filming a match that included my son, even he suffered from that. When re-viewing the match and creating/editing the highlights package, I have a strict guideline I adhere to. Only the best play is used. No favorites. Both sides are handled equally. Any of the highlight packages will prove that.

What do I think of the Referees? (that is a separate blog, but generally speaking they do what they can)

The FFV & FFA? … Not all are autocrats.

Coaches? Quite a variation there. Good intentioned I have no doubt. (Perhaps another separate blog?) I will venture to comment however, that some have managed to impress me, while some others have raised the incredibly pertinent question in reference to their’ (what is the best word, how do I say it?)… wisdom? (Also noting that the Camera Eye does record pretty much all that goes on)

More on fair play… I do like the introduction of the organized team line-up and the shaking of hands (notably topical in light of the Suraez - Evra Handshake controversy).

And what of the players then? 99.99% are fantastic! I can say with honesty and include players from 5 to 36 year old, that it is an absolute rarity to come across someone that is (or could be called) a bad egg. Admittedly, there are degrees… as there are some that are more prone to forgetting themselves in the heat-of-the moment, than others.

Yep, from A Camera Eye, it’s enjoyable to watch a great play unfold, even if it doesn’t result in a goal. I see a lot of good football being played.

The Bubble-Wrap Rap

Quite honestly, one of the best ideas I have ever had, was to collect sheets (and sheets and sheets and even more sheets) of bubble-wrap, for my daughter’s dance-party birthday. Secret preparations took many months. It was kept as a surprise.

On the day, while the kids were still inside, I laid the sheets of bubble-wrap out on our concreted patio area. The multiple layers were soft and spongy. The music system was set up and ready to go. We were ready for the Bubble-Wrap Rap.

When the kids came out, I was more than disappointed. I was gutted. The dubious looks on their faces told the story… This was “WTF?”... This was, “What moron likes to dance on bubble wrap?” … and, “Was this some devious adult plot?”

So while the specially prepared age-orientated music blared, tentative toes prodded the bubble-wrap on the ground like they were testing to see if it was contaminated with toxic-waste. I was mortified and in shock. All those months of obsessive bubble-wrap hoarding and storage! My shattered mind recalled my thoughts filled with the anticipation of seeing their faces light up. The joy. The glee. One of the best ideas I have had, ever! Everyone likes popping bubble-wrap!

Don’t they? Not only had I already pictured the kids going wild, I had already heard them creating a new soundtrack of crackling, popping beats.

Roxy must have seen my face. Or maybe the thought just “popped” into her head? She flew to the rescue. It was a brave act. Even at your own birthday party it is still difficult to resist peer pressure. Or… maybe her own love of bubble popping drove her? She jumped & popped. She sat & popped. She rolled & popped. A few eyes twinkled with uncertainty. Little pops rocked the air. Roxy said, “Oops I farted!” Did I detect a giggle from the outer circle?

There is no need to describe the utter mayhem that took place after that. 10 x 10 year olds can make a lot of noise without assistance.

The Bubble-Wrap Rap was… in the end… a popping sensation!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, of The Beautiful Game

As someone with a professional looking video camera (that has filmed elite sockahh kids for a number of years), a lot of people approach me. Usually it’s about whether they can obtain the video footage for their own purposes, and whether or not I can do them a special favor?

Am I offered special favors in return? Not yet!

To be fair... There are times when I do get offered money. $5 or as much as $20 is common. It's understandable why the offer will go as high as $20... after all, they can pay about $40 for the latest Hollywood blockbuster DVD and they reason that my video won’t be a blockbuster, (and they are right it won’t include a ‘making of’)… so they seem to think that offering half of the latest Hollywood blockbuster DVD is really a pretty amazing offer on their part!

To clarify... I did donate my services for a number of years, and I did actually do quite a few of these special favors, producing Sockahh DVD’s, (with menus, but not including a ‘Making Of’)... and apart from a couple of glaring exceptions, all at no cost (not even asking $5).

I don’t do that anymore.

Well I still do occasionally... but I set a limit. To qualify, they have to be courteous.

Instead of courteous, maybe I mean respectful? (In Jamaica we’d bang fists together and say “Respect!” – Hey, been there, done that)...

I can recall many occasions when I have been approached for that special favor, and immediately got a demand. It was like hearing, “My son will be the next Harry Kewell, and you should feel honored doing this special favor for him!”

But wait! I didn’t make that up! That was actually said to me! (as near to word-for-word as I can remember)

Yes a lot of things are said to the guy with the professional looking video camera. But not everyone wants a special favor video. Some think I can DO SOMETHING about their grievance. I get to hear all the gritty details. “The coach/club/football federation did this, did that, did something else, promised me, reneged on the promise, lied, paid off, selected the wrong talent, wouldn’t know talent if, the system is all wrong, there is no system...”

Yes, I get to hear a lot of people’s stories & complaints, (and some are disturbingly similar, even true), but sometimes the complaints I hear are directed at me. In another blog I will tell you about The time I was threatened with a tax audit to convince me to stop filming an U15's Sockahh match, but maybe I've given the plot away to that one.

Frivolous and Soul Searching

As this is the first entry, it is best to explain very quickly that I have intentions of making some frivolous entries, as well as, exploring a few deeper themes.

This one is not merely frivolous, it is also drawn from some of my writing a long time ago.

It's a nursery rhyme which I have called...
Old Mother Hubbard Revisited

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her Doggy a bone
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare.

So she sat down to eat
With the dog at her feet
And with her dog
She wasn't alone.

****** (written in 1984)******

You can notice the change from the orginal (first published in 1805). (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Mother_Hubbard)

As you can see, the original rhymed bone & none, which is an Eye Rhyme. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhyme)

Now, I am NOT saying that my version is an improvement on this very well established nursery rhyme, but I DO think that I made that first verse slightly more moral and sympathetic to her plight, simply by adding "the solace of companionship". (Note: I only revised the first verse because at the time of writing it in 1984, I didn't know there were multiple verses!)

I admit, a Nursery Rhyme is surely an unusual way of beginning my series of frivolous and/or soul-searching blogs, and begs the question how this fits in with the theme of A Camera Eye? Well... I have named it that, because I intend to look at how we view things, how we perceive, how we (maybe) take certain things for granted or perhaps gloss over them...

Interestingly, according to this web page (http://www.rhymes.org.uk/old_mother_hubbard.htm) Origins of Old Mother Hubbard lyrics in British history, it is claimed that the words to Old Mother Hubbard allude to Henry the Eighths' attempted divorce from Queen Katherine of Aragon. Old Mother Hubbard is supposedly Cardinal Wolsey who denied the divorce, and Henry VIII was the "doggie". I was certainly ignorant of that historical perspective when I did my version.

One more thing, (in the form of a disclaimer)... there has been activity called "nursery rhyme revisionism" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nursery_rhyme) which apparently 'improves' nursery rhymes. (ie: reforms involving violence & crime, political correctness, racism, sexism, etc) To the best of my knowledge, I am not associated with any of those.

Finally, lastly, and in conclusion, I notice this ended up a bit too scholarly, so rest assured, there will be other entries that will ignore facts entirely.